Acceptance means: For now, this is what this situation, this moment, requires me to do, and so I do it willingly. Eckhart Tolle, A New Earth.
There is a choice to struggle, to resist, or to accept. I’ve struggled for quite some time between the dichotomy of writer and teacher. Many people have similar struggles, between art and job.
Teaching requires, in large part, the energy of giving. And then creating, and then planning.
Writing requires, in large part, the energy of creating. A lot of creating and planning. Later, as work progresses, sharp analysis. Usually, at the end of the day, my creative energy is nil. How can we create, write, and make art when we’re pulled between what we must do and what we long to so?
Some push and pull is good, I think. There needs to be stress in order to motivate. Many creative moments are born in random, unplanned times. But even when I set aside the time to create, I get myself stuck in the struggle against the end of that time. I don’t want to stop creating to go to work. I ended up so involved in that struggle, anger against what was, that my writing declined. Instead of using the minimum time I had to create, I used that limited time to complain. So this is my challenge.
I’ve finally begun to realize that when I get my head out of the negative struggle, I can create in bursts. Wonderful, short bursts of beautiful things.
This is my focus as I begin a new journey. To get my head out of the struggle. To practice the art of letting go. To accept where I am.